I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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