I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
