I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i will never coherently bang her
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
