Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
