i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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