I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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