based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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