Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
