i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
