wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
