he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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