mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
