It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
