So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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