you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
