Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
