this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
