Your tits are I can't wait for
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
