He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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