I murdered the dance floor call the cops
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
