four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
