In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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