When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
