my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
