See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
