If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
