pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My liver just broke up with me...
My hand turned me down
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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