Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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