so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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