Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
