Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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