I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
