have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
