Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
