so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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