I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
