just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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