So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
