We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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