I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
