I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
