That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
