you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
