I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
