What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
