drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
