is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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