Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
