So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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