you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
