I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
